· oman huoneesi / koulun huonekalu puhuu omasta elämästään omasta näkökulmastaan minä-muodossa
- mitä minä näkee, kuulee, tuntee, missä mielentilassa...
Loose Translation: Pretend you're the furniture or an item around you. Or something.
Today has been no better than the rest. More people looked my way today than normal...but when they looked they stared right through me. Per usual. I guess I really should be used to it by now but it seems to only get harder to stand as the days go by.
It's winter. I blame the season. I've noticed a trend with the seasons. In the summer people stare at me dreamily or longingly. But they still don't see me. Their eyes just glaze over but point in my general direction. Looking through me, again. Yet, I can almost enjoy it in the summer by pretending it's me they care about; at least I don't get the constant looks of disgust or let-down that I get in the winter.
Today has been no better than the rest. More people looked my way today than normal...but when they looked they stared right through me. Per usual. I guess I really should be used to it by now but it seems to only get harder to stand as the days go by.
It's winter. I blame the season. I've noticed a trend with the seasons. In the summer people stare at me dreamily or longingly. But they still don't see me. Their eyes just glaze over but point in my general direction. Looking through me, again. Yet, I can almost enjoy it in the summer by pretending it's me they care about; at least I don't get the constant looks of disgust or let-down that I get in the winter.
It's also the first day of snow. Last year, this day was the best in my life. A kid was here. One I'd never seen before. He ran right up to me with joy in his eyes and pressed his warm little face right against me. I could feel the moisture in his hands radiating onto me. I was paralyzed with excitement. I couldn't do anything but love the moment, as brief as it was; the small boy's mother came and peeled him away from me. As we parted I could feel the cold rushing through me again as my sorrow diminished his moist handprints.
That was the only memory I have of happiness. Everything else has been fake or pretend. I know the looks I get are never really for me. They pass straight through, as they always will. It's horrible but I know that's who I'll be, forever. I'm just a window, without an inside to matter more than the outside.
-------------
aww, why are all my entries so sad? I swear it's not a reflection of my own feelings...I'm living quite a nice life at the moment. Maybe it's because I have no 'sorrow outlet' or something. Nothing to channel sad feelings through since my life is sort of awesome here. :)
This one I'm not entirely fond of, but whatever.
That was the only memory I have of happiness. Everything else has been fake or pretend. I know the looks I get are never really for me. They pass straight through, as they always will. It's horrible but I know that's who I'll be, forever. I'm just a window, without an inside to matter more than the outside.
-------------
aww, why are all my entries so sad? I swear it's not a reflection of my own feelings...I'm living quite a nice life at the moment. Maybe it's because I have no 'sorrow outlet' or something. Nothing to channel sad feelings through since my life is sort of awesome here. :)
This one I'm not entirely fond of, but whatever.
No comments:
Post a Comment